I wish I were less anxious/self-conscious. It’s weird because outwardly almost no one knows that I am. I’m charismatic and easy to talk to, a natural leader in the workplace (I’ve managed now at every job I’ve held) and I’m a loving and supportive father. But deep down I’m still self-conscious as hell. I experience a lot of spotlight syndrome and I feel like I dress frumpy, walk weird, etc. I have a lot of social anxiety and think every situation/confrontation is going to be a worst-case scenario. Had to take 5 weeks off of work for a stress fracture and allowed myself to believe leading up to it that my (typically supportive) boss was going to be angry or petty or challenge me over it. He was extremely supportive and told me to just take the time off and not to worry about putting out the fires at work.

I don’t know how I conditioned myself to be like this. Probably a side-effecting of growing up fat and all the self-hate that came with it. I got rid of the fat a lot time ago, but I don’t think that shit ever really left me. Fortunately my daughter does not share my lack of confidence. That kid is miles ahead of her peers and I’m so proud of her.

Wish I could negotiate and haggle, I just don’t want to, it doesn’t feel good to me. I’d rather accept or refuse the offer and move on.

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Athleticism and the ability to be sufficiently social.

I really struggle to answer this even though I have this constant feeling of something being wrong. I’ve been quite lucky with genetics and the things I’ve wanted to change that can be changed I pretty much already have.

I guess there are two things I’d like to even further improve on:

• I’d like to care less. I like myself the least when I get emotionally captured. I’d like to just be able to let it go and be teflon where nothing sticks.
• I’d like to naturally want to read more.

Good health. But alas.

I wish I was happy. Not even all of the time, just some?

I sometimes wish I could be social without feeling mentally and physically drained.

Wish I wasn’t depressed and anxious so I could do what normal people seem to do normally every they meanwhile it takes me a week if I have better episode.

I wish I was more Christlike.

No matter what you believe about Christianity, you can’t deny that He is a pretty good role model.

I wish I was more disciplined/focused.

I wish I was a dog for real.

Someone made an offhand comment that I would be an otter if only I were more laid back.

And honestly, that made me kinda wish I could be more relaxed and chill. Everything just seems to important and stressful and difficult and intense to me… I wish I could just turn that all off and just let things happen to me as they come rather than fearing and planning for the future.

I wish I was worth peoples’ time.

To not procrastinate.