I use a bidet and that cuts down on TP usage, but sometimes you get a big ol’ honker of a log ploppin’ out and that sucker just says, “Not today.” That’s when the trusty turd wrangler is your best friend.

One time I was at my mother-in-laws and clogged that some bitch. I couldn’t find a plunger. Turns out my sister-in-law took it when she went away to college, because she was too scared to buy one. I tried to text my wife, but I had no service. So I left it there and went and told my wife. My mother-in-law took a golf cart to the neighbor’s house and explained the situation and they let her borrow theirs. Meanwhile, I’m fucking mortified that the neighbors now think I have fiber intake issues.

Always keep a plunger in a bathroom with a toilet.