Because I honestly can’t. I can barely talk with the very few people I know. Is just so out of my range. That’s why I don’t have friends or a partner and I don’t see that changing.
EDIT: no, responding comments here or asking this question ISN’T having a conversation for me. So I don’t feel this as “progress”.
I do now, tho I prefer to read in silence. What helped me, was to remind myself, that in the grand scheme of things this conversation and any opinion this stranger will have of me is irrelevant.
I have conversations with strangers all the time. I believe everyone is capable of this through the power of alcohol.
I can, yes. Do I often? I do so less now than I did when I was younger just because I’m not in as many places where random conversations would happen.
As others have said, it takes practice to be able to do that. Along with that, I’d recommend reading up on active listening. A lot of people are happy to talk if others listen.
Yep, and yep. They’re just humans, nothing to be scared of
I noticed early in my 20’s that my social anxiety had gotten to a point where I couldn’t casually chat with random people. So I made an effort to do it anyway even though the results wouldn’t be favourable for a while. It took a few years before I noticed it didn’t take much of a push any more to start. I’m 40 now and while I still don’t enjoy talking to strangers, especially when just making meaningless small talk, I at least don’t have a wall of pre-dread anymore to climb in the case that I do need/want to talk to a stranger. Like if they dropped something, or if I want a product in a store that is not currently stocked on the shelf.
If you having trouble knowing what to say in a conversation is what you’re getting at, I can relate to that. Once in a while I’ll have found a stranger whose standards I can meet, but they’re so few and far between that no tangible friendships have been made.
Very well. The other night was at a fall festival and they had some carnys pushing carts filled with toys and balloons, you know, plastic swords, plastic guns, snaps, stink bombs, and blow up guitars, etc., and they all had a bunch of flags for sale, including, at the very top, a bunch of made in China trump shit.
I saw one carney, who was black, and he did not have trump shit. So when it was time to let the kiddo pick a toy or something, I said he could buy from that carney. And I struck up a convo by offering that it was his lack of Trump shit that got him this sale; an important thing, I think, to tell retailers of this sort. We dapped it up for a second and he was looked at me like, “come the fuck on, obviously there’s no trump shit on my cart.” He said one of the other Carneys told him how much more money he could make, and how he asked the other guy back, “man, are you fucking stupid?” Nice guy.
Get a friend to walk you through it.
Yeah. I haven’t always been very comfortable with it, I made active effort to learn ways to make it easier.
I also lived in the Midwest for a while where asking someone “How are you doing” is an actual invitation to conversation and not just a response of “fine”. I learned some people are very open to chitchat with strangers, some people aren’t, and it gets pretty easy with practice to tell which is which noting body language and those first few words they respond to you with.
Also, you’re doing it now, OP. Way to go. Forum conversations like this totally count. Maybe next level up for you is some IM chatting with someone from a hobby group you’re interested in.
He is not doing it now though. Chatting online has nothing to do with real life talking to another person.
It totally doesn’t count dude. Especially since this isn’t my first language, or second, I have no use for English outside Google and pointless social media light usage.
I could have a conversation with a stranger, but I would prefer not to. I don’t find silence uncomfortable and I’m perfectly happy to wait quietly.
I don’t like it when people try to chat when I’m having my hair cut, or waiting for something. Small talk is a drag and I really don’t care about any of it.
I totally understand that feeling.
If I absolutely have to, yes. If I don’t need to, I avoid it and prefer to mind my own business. For example, I sometimes attend some happy hour events for people in my field of work. Obviously you have to have some small talk, but I usually only engage if someone strikes a conversation. If not, then I’m happy just eating and drinking while watching whatever is on the bar tv. If I’m attending a show, concert, or game, I don’t strike a conversation with strangers at all.
Yes, I do it for a living.
yeah, no problem.
i’m a social butterfly when i’m drunk and somehow managed to transfer this skill into my sober life over the years.
i’m even pretty good at phonecalls now. those terrified me my whole life. now i often prefer them over emails/texting.
Sure! I mean, we’re doing it right now, right? ;)
Or do you mean exclusively in person?
I’ll be honest with you, I don’t get out much (health issues) but when I do, I don’t LIKE talking to people, but I do, because it takes so little effort to make someone feel better about their day.
It also helps that pretty much everyone here has a tattoo and that’s a good icebreaker.
“Wow, nice ink! How long have you had it?”
Exclusively in person. For me online chat has very little value and the lack of a face gives you a protection you can’t have out there.
100%. Chatting online has nothing to do with talking to people in real life. It’s completely different. I have no idea who you are on the other side of this, and I don’t even want to know. That’s the major difference, this is just wasting time together, not building relationships.
I hate it. I’m just generally afraid of saying the wrong thing, so I end up saying very little until I feel that I know the person well enough to share more.
However, I worked in customer service and sales for 20 years and learned how to fake it.
It’s a performance, just like a singer or dancer, it’s exhausting, but practice makes progress.
