I accidentally broke up with a girl once. We had been dating a few weeks, and it was going OK. I was young and she was super cute, so I was ignoring a few red flags. This was early days of texting, if anyone remembers T9 Texting which was basically predictive numberpad texting. I forget the details, but she asked me about making plans for the weekend, and I was trying to write back “Oh Yeah” and accidentally selected “Oh Why” or something along those lines.

So she freaked out at me, made a whole big scene in public, dropped a bunch of insults, and never spoke to me again. As she was leaving, I was like, “But…” and she said “Save it.” and left.

I was with some friends who had been fully aware of the red flags, and they were all very supportive at every step. They thought I was going to marry her, and were planning an intervention. They were over the moon that I recognized the problem and ended it, and then gave me a ton of well-deserved shit for fucking it up with a text.

Later I met my now lovely wife and we have two beautiful children, so alls well that ends well. I still feel kind of bad for the mistake, though. Jess, if you’re reading this, my bad.

I recently messed around in Paint Tool Sai and changed up the brush settings… then I forgot what my original settings were. But now the fur looks a lot clearer and more defined with the new settings so I’m happy with it!

After college, I was about 26 or so, and I was in NYC. I thought to myself, “Why not assassinate the CEO of UnitedHealthcare?” At first I thought I was alone in this and people would hate me. It turns out I’m a hero.

I fell off the bleachers, over a railing, after an event in high school but flipped head over foot in such a way that I just landed on my feet like nothing happened.

I was helping someone find a lost dog and we both took different paths. I took the wrong path and gave up. However, I later learned the other person took the right path and found out the hard way the dog had rabies.

I unintentionally pissed off a bully during a floor hockey match in high school PE class. Long story, but I did something to make her angry - still no idea what it was - and in that moment she was screaming at me to apologize. I just recall her screaming “SORRY!!! SORRY!!!” at me during a game.

I didn’t realize I had done anything wrong. I was definitely not trying to be competitive or aggressive at a PE game, so WTF? But apparently, “It’s OK. Apology accepted” was not the answer she wanted. She lost her shit and I gained an enemy for the rest of senior year.

Fortunately - and this is the good outcome - she was the most incompetent bully I’ve ever encountered. Sure, she was mad AF and willing to hold a grudge in the way that only 17 year-old girls can do. But I had emerged from a hot crucible of actual fucking competent bullies years before this.

I was captain of the fucking Math Team, bitch. You think calling me “Nerd” is going to hit? Hell no. I own that.

Years earlier, I fought two of my former besties on a snow covered hill in the local park and my only regret was that I was wearing mittens that mitigated the damage to their faces. I’d do that again if I had to.

Point being - she couldn’t do me any harm. Laughing at her made her madder. That was the best part.

tl/dr: I accepted an apology from someone who wanted me to apologize to her, and I gained the most incompetent bully ever. It added some needed comedic relief to me and my friends during a stressful final year of high school.

I fail successfully every other day, it’s like I was raised that way

It’s called doing a Homer

That’s how like, 75% of art is made

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In goal facing a penalty. I dived to my far left but the ball went right down the middle. Luckily I was tall enough that I saved it with my feet.