You & others might be interested in this:
https://insights.sei.cmu.edu/library/field-stripping-a-weapons-system-building-a-trustworthy-computer-video/
and maybe this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intel_Management_Engine

We were looking into federated+floss MatchGroup alternatives last week, and didn’t find much of anything.
Most compelling was that some people are using matrix spaces to facilitate dating/hookups, but I imagine those spaces have similar pitfalls to Discord “dating”.
Something akin to OkCupid back when it was owned by Humor Rainbow would be pretty popular, imo.