My father insists on a version of past events that is not true, where he supposedly helped me pay off debt when in reality I paid it off by working FOR YEARS. He doesn’t say it as something he’s proud of, but something I owe him and haven’t “thanked” him for (?). He is extremely stubborn and old enough to definitely not remember things well.
He does this kind of thing with my siblings as well and it’s come to the point where we feel that all we really were for our father was a money burden, be it true or not that he helped us financially at some point.
How can I come to terms with the fact that he’s not gonna acknowledge the truth no matter how many times I explain it to him, despite the anger and frustration I feel towards him for claiming something he actually DIDN’T do for his kid while minimizing my own work and effort?
Well today he said he doesn’t want to be in touch with us anymore because we’re so ungrateful, so I guess that he’s just made it very easy to ignore him but it fckn eats at me, it’s my dad, you know?
you’re not obligated to like someone just because they’re related to you.
honestly, there’s no reason he should consider you guys as ‘ungrateful’. bearing children is a commitment, not an investment.
Thank you.
He doesn’t want to talk to you because you’re not grateful enough to him for doing something he didn’t actually do? Is he mentally ill? That sucks man I’m sorry.
Thank you. Yeah he could be. Sometimes it really sounds like narcissistic personality disorder.
My dads crazy too. I get it. I’ve learned just to expect absolutely nothing good from him and then if he does behave it’s just a happy surprise.
“Well, if you helped me pay off this debt then you should have some sort of proof. No? Well then, guess it didn’t happen.”
Did that, and guess what, he said he’d given it to me in cash. Convenient, eh?
“Well guess that was dumb of you then. Bye.” I know this is hard as he’s your dad, but sometime you just need to walk away. I’ve not spoken to 90% of my family in over 20 years due to narcissistic, selfish behavior. Your peace is far more important then any relationship. I wish you luck and hope you can figure out a solution.
Thank you.
My father once took credit for an idea about how to do something when in the previous conversation he’d argued against my suggestion. He really believed it was his idea. I hung and called my mother exasperated because I knew she’d understand after being married to him for how ever many years (divorce). She was just like, yeah, what can you do. It sucks.
So, what can you do. It sucks.
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Thank you. I guess realizing there isn’t much you can actually do is kind of liberating
Glad that helped. Good luck.
Ignoring him is not working for you, or you wouldn’t be here. Either respond actively or distance yourself. If he’s a narcissist, the former might work. If he’s looking for a fight, the latter might work.
And he was your dad. If he doesn’t act like a dad, though, he’ll become “the jackass who fathered me”. Which is sad.
Thank you. He even said he doesn’t want us to call him dad because we never treated him as one. (?) It’s just so sad