- cross-posted to:
- lemmybewholesome@lemmy.world
- cross-posted to:
- lemmybewholesome@lemmy.world
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My lease ran out and I was unable to get a new place for me and my then partner (who was otherwise completely unable to support themselves, very long story) to stay while I was the only employee working under the table and basically running a hookah bar. We stayed in a hotel for three or four weeks, but that was running me about €1800/month, and I couldn’t keep up for long. My boss offered us the couches in the hookah bar, which was an absolute godsend. I only stayed there for a couple of months, but but it kept me from sleeping rough.
Later I realized that if I hadn’t been working under the table (which was my boss’s choice, I had legal work allowance), I would have been entitled to much more… traditional aid (and the air quality in my residence would definitely have been at least closer to safe levels), so I’m a little more conflicted. He definitely stepped in when he didn’t have to, but in return he got to keep his only employee and there was no investigation of my finances that would have been necessary for government services and would probably have ended up with him paying some hefty fines. I’m very much still grateful, just a little jaded.
I was backpacking with my boyfriend and our dog one time and sitting in front of the supermarket with the dog while he went shopping. It was hot so I had a bowl of water for the dog. First a person dropped 5 euros in the water bowl, which I quickly gave back, explaining in broken french I was not homeless. Next, a kid gave me a bag of croissants and a bag of dog treats! I couldn’t refuse, so now we are always on the lookout for beggars and dogs to pay it forward. We already succesfully bought treats for two dogs and gave a bag of croissants to a woman with a young child begging.
I feel very sorry for the beggars where I live but also hate them with a passion. I can’t go for groceries without two or three hawking the entrance to the store, ready to barrage anyone who looks mildly compassionate with sob stories.
Worst I got taken was by a young woman who looked very in need of help, asking me to buy some food for her family. Gullible me thinks alright, I can spend 10 € on some kitchen staples so these guys don’t starve over the weekend, and took her into the store. Woman proceeds to absolutely stuff her basket with expensive meats, brand laundry detergent, diapers, to the point she literally can’t carry the fucking basket any more. Cost me almost 120€ in the end, about 6x what I spent on food for myself.
Ever since then I will immediately recoil from anyone asking for help beyond the “classic” sitting quietly on the ground with a cup in front of them, because my scam alert has been readjusted in a bad way. I suppose I resent the woman more for destroying my compassion than for the money she tricked out of me.
I think I’ve given money to a beggar once. This one said it would go straight to booze and I though fair enough.
My rule is I give them cigarettes if they ask, but not money.
They’ll usually never admit the money is for booze and I never carry cash anyway. Plenty of people have stories of the beggars throwing food back in their faces. They only want money, they don’t want to be fed. Hell, when I was a kid and a beggar asked for money and my mom said she could go to the store and buy some food for him, he just straight up refused.
And I’m fairly sure some of those beggars make more money than I do at my day job as a software engineer. If you have a really lucrative spot, I think you could probably make 50 euros an hour, if not more. Multiply that by the standard 168 hours a month and…
I shared food with beggars on various times
First time I was like 11 years old, shared a sandwich, they got annoyed and throw the food back at me
Second time I was 20 something. Shared a full lasagna aluminum foil plate and bro threw it to the ground
One time before COVID hit, here in Argentina. I shared a sandwich and the man went into an insane rant about how the immigrants owed him money because they took their jobs.
Last time I saw a poor old lady tucked in a corner near a street. I brought her some shows socks and food. She appreciated it a lot. Almost went crying when i brought her about 20 USD worth of supplies.
I believe I have learned my lesson to not share anemonemore with dudes.
I semi-routinely get food for beggars. Gift cards, even. I don’t carry cash, but if someone says they’re trying to get enough money for food, I offer to just buy them what they need. They almost always say yes, and, especially in winter, you can tell it means a lot, at least in the moment.
On my first payday, post graduation, I did this for some kid who seemed clean by really skinny. He picked out frozen chicken nuggets, and seemed just so happy and grateful. That’s stuck with me.
You know better beggars than I’ve seen, then. Usually I’ve seen them refuse food, they only want cash.
It’s good that you ask them, instead of just buying food. The honest ones will accept your offer and the dishonest ones will at least tell you to fuck off if you offer them food but they really wanted vodka or drug money.
There was a guy outside of Taco Bell in Columbus Ohio who was begging for money so he could get himself a burrito.
So I went inside and bought the man several burritos and soft tacos and a large drink. I walked back out and handed it to him, and he promptly threw it straight in the trash and looked in the eye and reminded me that he had asked for money.Always ask if they want the food first.
It’s best to ask, then you know what they really want, and don’t waste your time or theirs.
This type of thing happened to me twice. I stopped giving directly and now only donate to charities which vet the recipient and distribute. I’m not paying for someone’s drug or alcohol addiction. I also donate my time.
In my city the homeless run a newspaper. Good on-the-street reporting and homeless people can also sell the paper to get money.
Anyways, got to talking to a paper-seller. His story was rough; had a job, a house… and then a major medical event that took his house and all of his savings away in bills. His job fired him for ‘poor attendance’. At least the people at the paper were helping him get back on his feet.
Bought his last few papers so he could go home, but figured he was probably cold and hungry after standing around all day, so I bought him dinner and some new warm socks too.
Hope that guy is doing all right.
A friend of mine packs backpacks full of blankets, toothbrushes, toothpaste, socks, etc. and goes around handing them to homeless people around Christmas.
Most soup kitchens will take packs of socks, sleeping bags, tampons, dog food/etc and make care packages for people that come in.
There was this dude, Tyler, at my local Skate park who got kicked out by his baby mama and was sleeping in the park, under shelter. I was chilling next to him when he got that phonecall from her. We’d bring homie a ton of taco bell tacos whenever we’d go to the skatepark, and offer him rides wherever he wanted.
Homie would complain when we got cheese in the tacos, demand rides, and get a lil violent about us skating too late. Dude became an asshole, maybe baby mama was right to kick him out.
I broke my foot and stopped showing up, hope homie’s alright
I don’t know this guy, so this is just based off what you wrote and might be wholly unfounded. To be clear, I also don’t think you should set yourself on fire to keep anyone else warm.
I got a little hyper focused while writing this, so tl;dr: I get why he would lash out in that circumstance, which is why we need a social welfare system.
Having a bad reaction to cheese when you don’t have a safe, dependable, and clean bathroom sounds awful. Even if he doesn’t currently have lactose intolerance, he could easily develop it at any time if his dairy intake becomes inconsistent. Or maybe he just hates cheese (or tb cheese). I was a waiter for years and about 20% of people who likely aren’t homeless and who have plenty of options for food are rude when they get food with an ingredient they don’t like. If his ability to feed himself outside of those tacos was small, it could absolutely wear on him to constantly get a strong taste or weird texture he hates.
I also totally understand him getting annoyed and shitty about people skateboarding late where he sleeps. He’ll probably wake with the dawn, so if people are skating at 11pm throughout the summer, that’s going to cause awful sleep (compounding all the other factors that cause people to get worse sleep outside in public). Sure, it’s not his house, but just because he doesn’t have a legal place to live, doesn’t mean that he no longer has the need for quiet and safety. I’m not excusing actively chasing people away from a public area, but I do understand what might have led him to do it.
My sympathy with the rides bit depends on what his access to other transportation is/how far spread out needed services are. If there’s lots of free or very cheap options for getting places or there’s a grocery store, place to get mail, laundromat, bathroom services, and a place for him to register and receive support within walking/skating distance, then yeah, it’s a dick move. If not, he was still being rude, but I can empathize. I empathize when customers at my bakery are rude because they don’t understand the bathroom code, and that’s probably much less of an emergency situation for them.
People are generally rude when they have an unmet need and those around them could easily help with that need. It’s not productive or prosocial, but it’s pretty predictable. Most of the time, it’s directed towards service workers or really close relationships (my dad’s a bear before breakfast, which most of his acquaintances or more casual friends probably don’t know, for example). It only really gets directed at those in our larger acquaintance circles when something catastrophic happens in our lives, like the onset of a terminal/chronic illness, becoming disabled, the loss of a loved one, or losing a home or financial security.
I’m not at all saying that people should subject themselves to abuse because someone else is in an emergency. In fact, I think that tendency is one of the main reasons we should create stable welfare and medical systems(second to the moral imperative I believe we as a social species have to do what we can for others). That way, we don’t have to come to the point of aggression caused by desperation.
I had to learn the hard way that in many cases, people are homeless for a reason. Not ALL cases - I’m not saying they all just need to pull bootstraps - but be careful in sticking your neck out too far for them.
Sitting outside of a club waiting for friends. It’s late and a guy comes up and asks if I’m ok, if I need an ambulance or something. I must have looked rough. Dude saw that I was just on my phone and apologized before taking off, saying he was just making sure I wasn’t passing out or OD’ing
Not much later I’m walking to meet up with other friends for an after party and see the guy setting up on some cardboard.
I stop and ask him what his deal was, he wasn’t strung out like other homeless around. He told me his story. I said I was headed to Denny’s and would buy him dinner if he wanted.
When we got there he said thanks but he didn’t want to bother my gathering and was going to decline. So I hand him a few hundred bucks that was my party cash. He initially declined but I insisted, because he was humble, genuinely concerned about my drink add, and obviously was going to get himself out of his situation with only a little help and some luck.
I’ve interacted with a number of homeless and never really met another person like that since. I’m sure they are out there, teetering on really hard times.
Yes, I’ve painted bicycles a few times. The first one, a '90s rigid MTB I was building up to be my “daily driver” utility bike, I took the frame to be professionally powder coated, which obviously worked great. The second one, a tandem, I spray-painted myself, which also worked fine but I haven’t really ridden it so can’t speak to the durability over time. Most recently, I tried spraying a frame with plasti-dip because I wanted it to be removable, but it turned out a little too removable: it didn’t hold up to being clamped in my work stand, so now I’ve got to re-do that tube.
Years ago, I tried giving a homeless guy an unopened chicken sandwich I had just got from Burger King. I got two for the price of one, and I didn’t want to eat the other one because I was already pretty full.
So I walked out of the restaurant still holding it, thinking I should find a trash can for it. Then a homeless guy came up to me saying he was so hungry. So I thought “well this kills two birds with one stone!” and offered it to him.
He seemed very unhappy and asked if I had money instead. He took the sandwich begrudgingly. Hmmmmm, it was almost like he was lying about being hungry and actually wanted money to buy drugs or something.
ETA: Tell an honest story in a post that explicitly asks for similar stories. And people get upset. Okay then.
It happens.
Here’s a happier tale to balance the vibe.
When traveling with my family, we often stop for a light meal midway to break up the monotony of the trip.
One time we stopped at a place we don’t care for the food, and bought a particularly light meal to settle our stomachs for the remaining minutes on the way to our favorite food stop.
Toward the end of our quick stop, a stranger offered my oldest an unopened burger from his own meal that he wasn’t going to finish.
I think he probably noticed our order was on the small side and maybe worried whether my oldest got enough to eat.
My kid was fine, of course, he got as much as he wanted and knew we were stopping soon somewhere he liked better.
But that guy’s compassion stuck with me.
So now there’s a line item in my budget for donations to a local food shelter. My intent is to always maintain that recurring donation, in honor of that guy’s compassion.
That’s very sweet of you.
I was getting Carl’s Jr and a dude hanging around there stopped me and asked if he could have some food. So I bought a couple meals and the person at the drive-thru window asked if he had bothered me. I said no and handed the homeless guy his food before I drove away. He was appreciative and said thank you. I guess you just never know… 🤷♂️
Similar experience. A homeless guy ambushed me at the drive thru asking for money to buy a burger. I told him I’d buy him a combo and he said no, only cash. I gave him the money because I honestly don’t care how he spends it, but why ask for a burger at a Burger King of all places if you don’t actually want a burger? Now I’m stuck pretending like I’m some gullible idiot to spare him his dignity when he could have just asked for money.
Meaning he probably wasn’t homeless and was just a beggar. I’ve seen plenty of those sorts in my hometown.
When I was a teenager I used to hang out with the beggars at the major train station in town when I was travelling around to kill time. I bought hot dogs from the cart for a few of them and they thanked me and ate with me, but said they had plenty to eat. Apparently they rented an apartment together in cash with the proceeds of their begging. They weren’t living large, they just didn’t want to or couldn’t work a regular job. I don’t regret spending time with them and hearing their stories, and they wouldn’t take my money because I was just a kid.
I’m not upset at your story, I’m upset at you being judgemental toward unhoused persons. There are a lot of people out there when an unhoused person asks for money just refuse to give it because they think they are going by drugs with it (which, yeah, they might), so many unhoused persons have to resort to giving an excuse they think you might be responsive to. You have no idea what they need the money for. Maybe its to get a cheap phone so they have a way to contact someone if thry need help. Maybe they need a hair cut for a job interview. Maybe its for drugs. The thing is, you should give a person the help they ask for and not what you think they need, in my opinion. You are not their parent and what they do with what they ask for is not your business.
It absolutely is my business what a person wants to do with money they’re begging me for.
Honestly I disagree, it absolutely is not. If you don’t want to part with your money, don’t give it, but you are not paying for a service. You are are not entitled to what another person does with the money you give them. Do you want the company you work for to start telling you want yiu can do with the money they pay you? Or is it your money to do with what you want once it is given to you?
What is your justification for why they owe you an explanation?
Receiving money in exchange for your labor is entirely different. You are being paid for providing a service, and no, the employer has no right to tell you what to do with money you have earned. When you beg for money, you are asking for someone else’s resources to be given to you for nothing in return. That person is therefore directly using their resources to enable…something. They have a right to know what and decide if it’s something they want to pay for. If the person giving doesn’t care, fine, but it’s the height of arrogance to think you have the right to take their money, no questions asked.
I don’t like these stories. We have to hear one every time a similar situation gets posted.
Then why do you read them? You can tell from the first two words it’s going to be a story.
You ever do something like this? What’s your story?
The post text literally asks for stories.
I bought breakfast for a couple homeless dudes. Gave it to them. No “thanks” for my effort. They grumpily asked me why I didn’t get them coffee, too. Pissed me off as I wasn’t exactly making a lot of money at the time and the purchase wasn’t cheap. Sometimes people are assholes. That’s all there is to it. Plenty of homeless I’ve given a buck and they said “Thanks.” At a previous job a coworker would take packaged foods that were going to be discarded and give them to homeless at the end of the day. Some didn’t want the food and wanted money, others were happy to have it. IMO they do prefer cash so they can buy what they want or need, and don’t have to worry about whether someone put anything bad in the food or if it’s spoiled. I think it’s justifiably surprising if someone says they’re hungry and yet reject your food offering and demand money instead.
I don’t know what I said in my reply that made you think I wanted another of these useless stories.
I don’t get it
Like food on Soviet union.
Not everybody gets it.
Blue shirt guy is holding a can of spray paint. You’re supposed to think they’re going to harass the homeless guy with it, but they bought him food instead.
Oh ok
Where I live people don’t harass homelesses with spray paint
Cultural differences I suppose
Nothing I’d ever consider doing, either. But there are a lot of cruel people in the world.
I was sleeping rough first days in Amsterdam tired and hungry, when a guy I met who had not much himself invited me to his squatted building and offered me potato and onion soup and a glass of port, a place to crash for a couple of days. I will always remember that kindness.
Bit different but I used to cook for the homeless being homeless and later squatting myself for a long time.
In Amsterdam we had “Squat cafe’s” giving out vegetarian food for homeless people. We get the food from the street markets and cook up meals like pasta, bread and garlic butter, salad fruits and vegetables. Many market stalls throw a lot of food away and with some effort you can make a lot of people happy.
My wife and me (25 years later) bring food packets to the local charity program, last week we brought Christmas presents that they will give out next week. The project here is run by volunteers who collect food from the local supermarkets and distribute that to people in need that don’t meet the criteria to apply for the official food bank. There are no questions asked, you can take a certain amount of products and there is advice where to get further assistance or government support.
It is hard to see people waiting for 2 hours in front of the building to get some food. Gets me triggered but I feel we are doing something good for them, although it is limited by only donating instead of volunteering.
