And then what happened?
That must be really hard for you.
Wow. You don’t deserve that.
How do you feel about it now?
Ugh. That sounds awful.
You’re handling this better than I would.
How do you even respond to that?
Tell me about it.
What can I do to help?
You’ve got this, but I’m here.Edit: I wrote the above to illustrate how many options there are in the parlance of active listening. The formula is simple: imagine how they feel and join their side or, if you can’t yet imagine, ask questions until you can. That’s it.
Legend
Look at mister “I leave the basement twice a week” over here
In the land of the
blindawkward theone eyedI dunno less awkward I guess man is king
Thanks, man. I needed that.
Awesome list! Much better than a list I would make 🙂
I would just change slightly the “What can I do to help?” (That is a call for a “nothing”) to “How can I help?” (That shows much more enthusiasm in wanting to help)
Hey thanks! I like that phrasing better. Less perfunctory, more sincere.
“Frankly, you brought this all on yourself” usually resolves it quickly, in my experience.
Hello, we’d like to offer you a position as police chief in a neighborhood that will statistically have a school shooting soon.
That sucks.
Ah drawing aggro like a true tank.
This is slowly being replaced by 👍ing or ❤️ing the message. No actual words needed.
❤️
👍
6(`A´)9
Nice
👍
I find that the variety of emotes people have available on discord say more than I probably would half-ass with words. At least with memes, if I’m having a conversation I will not be using emotes.
👌
Haha So True!
👍
Haha so true!
Haha so true!
Haha, glad I learnt of this parody journal. There’s also the Journal of Immaterial Science for anyone interested.
That sucks. Definitely push the last one. This happened to me one time in band camp
That sucks but this reminds me of…
…and that’s how I became king of the pirates, well anyways you should invest into my NFT cryptoAI trust me bro this gonna go to the moon!
Good thing he has three things to push all the buttons with…
“That’s rough, buddy” is my goto.
“my first girlfriend turned into the moon”
I’m more of a “well, shit” guy myself.
“That’s rough buddy.”
Thanks zuko
“Its not that bad stop being a pussy” Works 30% of the time everytime.
Pussies are pretty tough though. Balls on the other hand … too warm, too cold, don’t touch me, you’ll hurt me. :)
“I can’t say I would’ve known what to do, had I been in your position.”
“I can only imagine what that must have been like for you, which understandably likely isn’t of much consolation to you.”
“It would be disingenuous of me to presume to know what it was like for you to have experienced what you endured, but I am happy to listen to what you have to say, if you wish to tell me.”
“Cool story, bro”
The most sarcastic, yet relatable response to any conversation not involving you (or me).
“What can I do to help?”
“Cool story bro, did I ever tell you about that time I took an arrow to the knee?..”
“You know as someone who grew up with no food and a dirt floor I can relate. Growing up my mother died and I was often beaten by my father.”
Relateable, I once had a blanket that didn’t totally cover me. Toes or shoulder coverage only. We are truly brothers in suffering
4: “I can help you hide the body if you want.”
Or maybe ask what they need from you? Just a thought.
It works spectacularly well with people you’re close to or on very good terms with.
If my other half is kicking off about something, a quick “hey listen, are you wanting help to fix this or are you wanting to vent like fuck to feel a bit better?”
It’s rarely the former, though I’d be more than happy to help if it was. At least then I can let her rage out and decompress without throwing in unwanted suggestions.
Probably comes across as a bit blunt to people you don’t know well though.
Glad my wife and I aren’t the only ones. It’s frustrating to explain why proposed solutions won’t work while already worked up over stressful bullshit. Sometimes there just aren’t real solutions. Sometimes you just need to open a pressure relief valve for a minute so you can have a little reset and be better equipped to tackle the mountain of bullshit.
Yeah, it works both ways at the end of the day.
I know fine well when I need to take some holiday days - I work with a team of fantastic guys and girls in a very bureaucratic environment, so any deviation from the norm in certain projects come with a raft of paperwork (an unnecessary volume in some cases), before the issue can really be put to bed.
Everyone makes fuckups. I’ve made fuckups and caused by line manager paperwork when I was at the coalface, and I’ll continue to make fuckups and learn from them in the future. I know my spuds will drop a bollock every now and then, and that’s cool.
There are times when someone has made a royal arse of something and it’s stacked another load of paperwork on top of me, and I get a bit angry about it. It’s not rational, it’s not fair to rag on the poor dude or dudette or dudethey who made an error, and I’ll let my partner know that I’m not after solutions - I’m just needing a bit of extra time to calm down and refocus. Solutions to those problems mean overhauling a heavy and entrenched system of work, and it’s not something that can be done at home - I could have married Kofi Annan, but unless he’s familiar with the system of work, there’s fuck all he could actually do.
At that point, it’s time to book a week or two off, and think about anything - everything - but work.
e: clarity
Whatcha want from me?
“I’m sorry for your loss. Move on.”
“It’s not like you’ve lost a pen, is it? It’s so much worse… Would you like a pen? I have a spare one. …Please take it.”
I’m so sorry, here, it’s Cradle of Filth. It got me through some pretty bleak times.
“Stop trauma dumping on me, do I look like a licensed therapist?”
Conversely:
And how did that make you feel?
Empathize, “I can imagine how much that must have hurt, I’m sorry you had to deal with that”
