If someone dumps me on a first date over my phone then so be it. It actually looks like dodging a bullet.

Men, proudly drag that battered and cracked android phone out on the first date, it’s a litmus test for shallow people, apparently.

I went on a first date with a girl I met from work. She farted loud enough to be heard over drunken yelling and music in the steakhouse we were in, immediately after saying “I don’t get embarassed”.

In a couple of weeks, we will have been together for 16 years. We’ve been married for 14 years. We cook together every evening, we hold each other whenever we are in the same room for more than five minutes, and on the rare nights where we aren’t taking each other’s clothes off, we fall asleep wrapped around each other. I would have missed out on a perfect relationship if I had judged her for a phone.